[Max]

Hi there.

A friend of mine and I are going to make an animated short.
We have written the story so far.
So, before we start with character designs etc. we want you to criticize the whole story and give us some suggestions: What could be better, what could we add, etc...
We will take all of your advice into consideration.

Here we go:

The complete story takes place in a weird world which has not great
similarity with ours. Its look combines the past the future and your
innermost imagination. In that world dwells a crazy scientist and discoverer
in a great tower who`s aim it is to discover the long lost city
which once was searched by his grand grand father but he has nerver
suceeded. Only with lttle information and a srcuffy map
(which once was given to him by his father), he wants to dare the perilous venture.
With an extraordinary aircraft ,built by himself, he sets out. Much trouble
and danger accompany him on his adventures way till he finally reaches the
place where his grandfathers records ends. After investigating
the foreign area he finds a gigantic door which seems to conceal a
secret, which he can solve with great wisdom. As the door opens creakily a
hall of a gigantic dimension appears. But the hall conceals a devilry, a
creature of great wraith. Through luck he can escape as the ground begins to quiver and opens.
He falls long and deep and his landing isn't soft.
In front of him a long stairs appears leading him into darkness which seems to have no end.
Step by set the stair is getting him closer to the secret.
Long he marched as suddenly a slippery step is the cause of get him to the end of the stairs much faster.
Out of a sudden a bright beam of light is dazzling him and hinders him to go on safely.
Slowly he dares step by step forward as suddenly the light
dimishes. He opens his eyes and stops with a jerk.
He is standing on a steep cliff high above a wide valley in which a city of incredible beautiness and greatness lies.

Well, what do you think?

[[666]Flat]

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[Max]

Well,...you're right...some parts...maybe.....nah

[SolarFlux]

haha, flat
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SolarFlux
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I don't know much about painting but I'm trying to learn

[Atherium]

lol only flat

[Giant Hamster]

*commits jijin*

[Max]

Alright guys, we gave up the story and made a new, (hope) much better one.
You will see ( if nothing unexpectedly happens ) the animatedshort in 1/2 year.
The only big problem we have is the sound/musik. We are bad at making musik oureself.....well

[Matthew]

Hey Max, I have not been in this area so much before but it sounds like a cool project you and your friend are doing. Maybe I can help you out with the music, I am doing music in Fruityloops for a hobby.
Dunno what theme with your new story will be but let me know and maybe I can help you out with some tunes.

Matthew

[Molako_Plus]

well im happy you dropped this story idea. it sounds a little bit too much like disneys Atlantis.


i wonder if Ol Walt would climb out of his crypt and kick yur ass if you actually finished your project...hehehe
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Life is a sexually transmitted disease.

[edraket]

It also sounded more like a feature film than like a short to me.

[haohmaru]