[JIM]

this is for an assignment in my flash class tommorow.


geocities.com/victor2q/raise.swf


i know it aint a link,
we've been over this before

[Isric]

Keen, though you should probably add a 'stop' tag to your last frame. I barely saw him spew his coffee and it started again.

[proximo]

Hey ..

Well I think the animation has some potential, but there are a few things to take into concideration .. Now im not sure if you going to add sound but if your not you need to develope the story more .. most animation should be able to tell the story without sound, but when i saw the swf i could not really fallow what was going on .. The guys drinking coffe ,, guy comes up .. askes for change and then walks away thinking of coffe, other guy get mad ..

Now that seems like a story but somwhat weak ,, I dont think the punch got accross as affectivly as you would have liked ..

Just a sug but maybe do this ..

have the guy sippen his drink .. (maybe add in a frame or two just to make it a little smoother ..

then have this guy come in and be like yo can i bum some cash off you ? i want to get some coffee.. ( just shot the $ with his hand out and then show the cup a joe in the bubble .. maybe have his lips smaken and his sholders shuggen while the bubbles are up .. or do somthing like a little diagram in the bubble .. like $+me= 0 me want coffee, somthing stupid like that .. )

then have the guy like pull the cup up to his mouth like he was going to sip and then show his eyes open kind of wide and look at him like .. what the hell do you think your doing ,,

then have him spit the coffee out .. on the guy ..

Now aside from all the spelling error and what not this is just my opinion on the subject hope it helps

[JIM]

dude, not even close
it was employee asking raise from boss
then he gets shot down
then he asks boss if he likes his coffee
refering to,as if he "made it himself."

nice idea though.
why don't you stick to that one.
tell me how it turns out, that is if you have flash or not.

[proximo]

Dude .. that umm if very hard to get from that .. if your not going to have sound then i think you need to set some type of establishing point that we know this guy is the boss .. like on his name tag but like boss or somthing so we know who he is .. next for the guy to say how you like your coffee is very hard to pick up on it .. how am i the viewer to know he means, how you like your coffee.. i think you might want to make it more clear that this guy maid the coffee that he is drinking or what ever you were trying to get accross..

Im not trying to tell you it all bad im just saying that in order to get the story accross you need to make it flow right and in doing so you need to add in a few more eliments for this swf to tell the story you want to tell ..

And yes i have flash .. just went to the action script seminar yesterday in LA .. was one awsome cem ...

[synj]

eheh i was soooo lost.

i thought the guy that walked up really wanted coffee and offered money for it and the 'boss' said no and drank it. then the guy walked away and told everyone he was drinking coffee and then he spit it out. hahaha that's how i saw it.

my suggestion would be to show the payroll and the employee sees how low his is in comparison, then he looks over at the boss and asks.



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