[SolarC]

I see this thread is truly flying, I see many have quite similar problems so I'll contribute my sad story aswell.

This all started just a month ago, I haven't felt love or had any crush on anybody for something like 3 or 4 years after I broke up with my exgirlfriend and I was actually pretty sure these feelings were lost forever and I wouldn't experience them again. Well, I was quite wrong. I met a 24 year old nice and beautiful lady at a party my friend arranged. We spent a whole night together talking until the morning (something like 7AM) when she had to go, because her ride was leaving. I was like hit with a hammer in the head, so much feelings going on. I walked home, watched the sunrise and felt really good about meeting a girl like this.

Two days went and I received an email from the girl (we had changed them at the party) and the next thing was we were calling each other every day and decided to meet next weekend. (she lives in a different city so meeting during the week was impossible) The next weekend went really well, we had a great time and feelings inside me grew even stronger. I was really happy with my life in general until the next weekend came. She traveled to see me again we had some great time again, although no conversations about our relationship happened and I had a little feeling that she was avoiding the subject I don't know were I did get the feeling so I just told myself that it's better let the time tell what happens and just relax.

The next morning we chilled a little bit, drank cups of coffee and then without any warning she said she should be leaving to meet an old friend of hers. I walked her to the center and we settled that she would call me in a few hours after she had seen her friend.

I waited, I waited some more and finally I got frustrated and called her. No responce for the phone. I got a text message from her later the same night, that sorry she couldn't move because she was so tired. (well we had been staing up all night, so it was pretty understandable but I again had bad feelings about this. I put it on paranoia and went to sleep.) I didn't hear anything from her for four days, I tried to call her one or two times, but she didn't answer. Next friday I got a single text message from her which said that she wouldn't come to helsinki the next weekend like we had planed before and it was better for me to not bother my head with her.

I was pretty depressed and did bother my head quite a bit with all this. I sent her a message, I'm not actually sure exactly what I said, because I was pretty confused. The primary message anyway was, that it would be better that she'd contact me if she felt like it and I woulnd't bother her before that. It's been a bit over two weeks now and I've received nothing from her.

What makes things a bit more complicated in my head is that a friend of mine who lives in the same city with her said that he was pretty sure that the girl already had a boyfriend, but he didn't tell me earlier because he wasn't 100% sure of it.

I can not get the girl out of my head and I've been thinking of calling her after some time goes by, but we'll see. It would be easier to just forget anything happened.

[edraket]

Women are pigs.

[edraket]

Check this out.

You're a hottie



If you want people to know you are smart dress smart.

[ April 16, 2002: Message edited by: edraket ]

[mannyp]

quote:

---

Originally posted by MoleculeMan:
"Finding the right girl is like trying to find your car keys...stop looking for them and you'll find them."

Take note of this!! This is so true its not funny.

jake

---

Wise words indeed. I vouche for this philosophy...

I think ladies tend to be interested in guys who actually live life than those who stand still and stare at them. If you go to nightclubs or bars, you'll know what I mean.

ciao,

[Lunatique]

Ok, I hate to do this, but I see this kind of sad story happening too often, and this is my thought on it:

Whenever there's some kind of confusion to why a girl is stringing you along, changes her mind often, hot one minute, cold another...etc, there's only one answer:

MOVE ON.

Look, guys, I've had my share of sob stories too, ones where girls that either cheated on me, didn't return my feelings, or mistreated me in a relationship. Throughout all of them, I learn ONE valuable lesson:

MOVE ON.

Here's the truth: if a girl is confusing you with her actions, while you two are not a couple, and you keep wondering if she really likes you, that means she is not as attracted to you as she should be. It's as simple as that. You CAN'T make her become attracted to you if she already knows you, and decided that you are not her type. She could like you as a person, but not as a lover. Even if she tells herself that she should give you a chance because you are a nice guy, deep down inside, she'll still be longing for her ideal man. Do you WANT to go out with a girl that secretly wishes she had her ideal man instead of you?

So, basically, what I'm saying is this:

MOVE ON.

Find a girl that reacts to you the way you want. Find someone that looks at you with admiration, affection, respect, lust, and longing in her eyes. Find a girl who's heart beats fast when you are near, as yours does when she's near.

It HAS to be 50/50, or damn close to that even balance. If it isn't NEITHER one of you will be happy.

So, please, MOVE ON.

GETTING the girl is NOT the answer nor the destination. It's getting the girl that ADORES YOU BACK that means everything.

Sure, there are cases of guys getting rejected, stays a friend, and eventually still end up with the girl, but that is really rare. If you feel like you can bear the pain, then wait and wait and wait. But, I would strongly suggest you keep your eyes open for someone who would love you back.

[ April 16, 2002: Message edited by: Lunatique ]

[SolarC]

Luna, you are absolutely right about moving on and I'm not keeping any hope alive. I'm just a kind of person who need things to be settled, because if I leave things which has so much emotional weight open I can't get a peace of mind. That's why I will call her if these things keep on hounting me too much and too long, not to be desperate but to talk things as they really are so I am really able to move on and doesn't have to bare these things in my mind.

[Loki]

SolarC - sad story indeed and sounds too familiar, haha. But - do NOT call her. I know - there's that little bit of hope and desire that keeps embering away in you and gets bigger and bigger.

BUT - do not call her. Just think - if you had such a great timem the first meetings - why would she all of a sudden stay away?

As Lunatique said: Move On!

Oh - and write her a sweet letter that states that she can go ^%*&*&^ herself and while she's at it also &*#%$%#!!!X_x!!.

Just kidding - RUN!

[mythwarden]

Lunatique has given some great advice again. He's right, don't fight for a girl who doesn't hold the same interest in you.

A Wiseman once said that to love without its return is to be caged.

Best to be free and move on. ;-)

[[Shizo]]

Ok ok, enough funny talks and here is the real sh*t.
Liser must change his lifestyle in order to get tits and pussy. Example:

Liser can become a famous rapper.


Liser can become a big tough biker, with chicks literally jumping onto him.


Liser can turn into a breakdancer and go on bboy/bgirl battles in Europe.


[ April 16, 2002: Message edited by: [Shizo] ]

[[666]Flat]

Yo, Shizo, yuo forgot some 1337 optionZ.
Like:


He could join the army. Everybody knows gurls love boys in uniforms. And even if that doesn't help there are still a lot of boys in his boot camp left who are just waiting for him to drop the soap in the shower.


And what about those gurls which nobody would ever want to touch? If he was willing to adjust his standards regarding chicks to a slightly lower level some tasty female meat would be inbound in no time.


Surgery could be a solution too. Why not change the skin color? Just think of Michael Jackson and how wonderful it worked for him. Be the ebony pimp you always wanted to be and get screwin' the gurls, sexmachine.

[ April 16, 2002: Message edited by: [666]Flat ]

[Basement bound]

Yooouuuuu can dooooo iiiiiittt!!!!!!!!!

Vegas odds:
1-1 Liser becomes Rapper
1-2 Liser becomes Break Dancer
1-10 Liser becomes Biker

*Cash bets only*

JA

[wolfchick]

Dang, you guys are deep and thoughtful. I'm impressed!

quote

Quote:

Women run the world, Men just pretend to...

Dekard, Thanks for the power trip, that felt wonderful!


For me, it's like Roger Rabbit and his gorgeous wife Jessica, She loved him because he made her laugh.
A guy that can brighten my day, any day, is a sure winner. If he can make me laugh until I cry, he gets bonus points.

Confidence is another plus, but not cockiness. A woman likes to know that she and her possible future family will be protected. But be careful with this one, a guy who think he is all that is a major turn off.

Oh, and games suck! Don't play mind games, be up front and honest. Unless all you're in it for is a quick game.
I know, blah blah blah, but if a woman feels she can trust you, then you gain more points. Just be yourself and things won't blow up in your face in the future. 'sides it sucks having to fake a personality in a long-term relationship.

Looks like these guys have lead you in the right direction.
Good Luck!
^!!^

[PixelPeZ]

What do you mean by "artists never get the girl" ?! I have literally had chicks because of my website and my works.
A year or so ago, I got a mysterious call on my cell phone. At first I thought it was just a prank call, but after talking to the girl on the other end, I found out she really liked my work, my site and my rants (and possibly the pic of myselfe I have on the site, I don't know, I never asked) found my cel number on the site and really wanted to meet me. We did, later, but I wasn't never interested in her, because I had a girlfriend already. It was either the graphics or the fact that I am a lead singer in a band aswell :P

My current girlfriend also likes what I do (even though she claims I'm spending too much time with the computer, but she can't be right :P) and she likes the fact I can do something she can't. Either that, or she just digs lead singers, of which she has a history of :P

Nevertheless, if you can present your art well enough, you can use it to meet someone Trust me :P

[jasonN]

Loki, I feel for you man. I know what that 'cage-like' feeling is like. I spent a whole year trapped in it. I liked a girl so much last year. The problem was she was someone I knew I couldn't have. But I liked her so much that no matter what I did I couldn't forget her. So I was stuck, liking a person I could never have. It's the most painful thing in the universe and the only thing that can heal that is distance and time. Even though your logic tells you not to like the girl you still do. It's the classic case of the heart ruling over the mind. Human emotion can be a bitch


Oh and Liser, I don't know what to say. I'm in the same situation as you, still trying to figure out girls. But one thing I know is don't be that over sensitive, sappy guy that buys them flowers and writes them poetry all the time. Girls like a guy with a bit of backbone. Good luck with it all

[Freddio]

I'll tell you even if your a good lookin rugged athlete, yet you have no peronality or balls to go with it, you wont get anywhere.

In many cases chics are too unsure of themselves to make moves on these tough guys. And the tough guy is just waiting around for some hot chic to rock up and make his day.

my philosophy

Who dares WINS! (well some of the time )

[turnip]

girls are ...strange. I probably know less about them than all you guys. The whole courting practice...boggles me.
Yeah, looks matter, hard bitter truth because we're all human beings. But looks don't last long if you don't have a heart to match.

I'm happy i've found my guy. We spend too much time online, play too many damn games, even freelance together. Only difference is i got 3 more yrs before i can get my stinking degree. Speaking of which...mmm tried colleges? Friendlier girls, definitely.

[Awetopsy]

hehe Freddio, thats exactly it.. when I first saw my Fiance I thought to myself, shes probably got a 250lb muscle-bound boyfriend whos gonna pound me if I even get close to her... but I decided to be brave and went to talk to her. I couldnt be happier that I did.

[jr]

you guys are f-ing histerical... by histerical, i mean horrible nerds.

[Duckman2]

Wow this post struck a nerve in the collective heart of the forum. Alot of the stuff that I would have said is already posted so...yeah. My additude is what you see is what you get. That doesn't work too well in high school for getting the girls that everyone is trying to plook, but who wants them anyway? However it will work on the "right" person. Confidence, humor, and the willingness to learn what makes the other person tick is helpful too of course.

[Giant Hamster]

Something to watch for: Double standards.

80% of Girls Loooooooooooove mindgames...but only when they're in control.

If there are ANY control issues...you really need to think over wether you're a submissive person or a dominant person(and I'm not saying to the extreme as in whips and chains...just in general). 'Cause balacing on the see-saw is very difficult when you're bolth standing on the same side. If you're falling into controll struggles, then GET OUT, quick. Fighting over who's boss is not that important.

[Lunatique]

Giant Hamster is so right about that. Most people fall into either submissive or dominant personality. As much as the modern person try to push that "equality" shit, they can't erase that part of themselves. Very rarely do you see total equal footing in a relationship. There's usually one person more dominant. BUT, this domination does not mean he/she gives/cares less, it just means he/she might be making more of the collective decisions and setting the overall pace/tone for the relationship.

For example:

I'm a dominant person, but I'm a really goofy and silly person. My GF is a very intelligent, capable, respected woman, perceived by others as a serious person, yet she happily let's me lead the relationship.

The result: we are like two puppy dogs together, always playing, joking, saying/doing silly, childish, funny things together.

If she was the dominant one, and I was the submissive one, we would interact differently. We would probably be more adult-like. THANK GOD I'm the dominant one, because I find acting adult REALLY BORING. I want to be a silly kid forever.

[edraket]

Ok... After three pages of great advice on how to psycholigically analyze your future partner it might be usefull to say the following...

Women are people.

You can analyze all you want but in the end the only thing you need is a feeling that "this is right". If you find someone that you can hang out with and feel totally comfortable just being yourself with you know you hit the jackpot.


Just thought that was important to remember.

[razzak]

you gotta be crude on this, if it dont work, FUCK IT!!!! staying at it only pisses both of you off 90% of the time.

all you need to do is to show that girls are the last thing on your mind, show everyone youre the man, just enjoy yourself when youre around girls and theyll come. also when you are askin a girl out you must be realxed!!! be nice, show her that she is the most precious thing in the world and that she is getting something if she goes out with you, a real guy, not a turd. tell her how you feel. also just talking alot helps, and then when you two are sittin there on a park bench on some nice sunny day, touch her face gently and kiss her on the cheek and then say sorry, and that you couldnt help it and that she's the most precious thing in the world bla bla bla. also be a bit dirty like it has been mentioned all over the place. but dont say I WANNA FUCK YOU!!!! just hinting at things with a big grin usually does the trick. rule is if she laughs about it, then its good, if not, youre in shit

[razzak]

you gotta be crude on this, if it dont work, FUCK IT!!!! staying at it only pisses both of you off 90% of the time.

all you need to do is to show that girls are the last thing on your mind, show everyone youre the man, just enjoy yourself when youre around girls and theyll come. also when you are askin a girl out you must be realxed!!! be nice, show her that she is the most precious thing in the world and that she is getting something if she goes out with you, a real guy, not a turd. tell her how you feel. also just talking alot helps, and then when you two are sittin there on a park bench on some nice sunny day, touch her face gently and kiss her on the cheek and then say sorry, and that you couldnt help it and that she's the most precious thing in the world bla bla bla. also be a bit dirty like it has been mentioned all over the place. but dont say I WANNA FUCK YOU!!!! just hinting at things with a big grin usually does the trick. rule is if she laughs about it, then its good, if not, youre in shit

[Pixie Nim]

*is amused to see lots of guys sitting around discussing what girls want*

firstly, those of you who are slagging off women as being stupid, evil, and nasty to you, well that attitude will never get you one of me. (that's right, I'm female). Disrespect a person, male or female, and you'll lose their trust, and maybe even their friendship. So no loving relationships for you.
secondly, you are all generalising in the most irrational way I've ever seen! You act as if women as a race are all designed the same - we all think the same and want the same things - well, have I got news for you! We're human beings (duh!) and we're all as different as men are different from one another.

quote

Quote:

all you need to do is to show that girls are the last thing on your mind, show everyone youre the man

oh, yeah, that gets me going. No really, I love to be ignored.
For those of you who couldn't guess, that was sarcasm.

quote

Quote:

Women are people.

well, at least one of you has got the right idea...

The best way men can get women is to stop treating them like a seperate race from another planet that has to be "conquered" using a variety of cunning tactics, and start treating them like other humans. Friends.

now if that wasn't bloody obvious, I have no idea what is... if you didn't realise all that stuff for yourself..... maybe you should get out more, eh?



Pixie
xxxxx

[ April 19, 2002: Message edited by: Pixie Nim ]

[edraket]

My experience is that all you need to do to make a bunch of guys grow up is add a woman to the group.
So welcome... : )

[[666]Flat]

Cheers Pixie! Wanna cybar?!

[Bomu]

I dunno.. When a guy sees a great looking girl he thinks "I want her!", so he thinks of her as a possession- something to acquire, but then when he gets her, he realizes she is the one that has him!- He resorts to treating her as if he were her slave without even noticing!
When was the last time us guys put our feet up, while the girls were driving us to the movies, buying us popcorn and dinner afterwards, then the girl hoping for sex afterwards?

For years, women have say "we wanna be treated equal to men etc" but if that was the case, you wouldn't be sending her flowers and kisses- Unless you're a homosexual! I don't deny men and women are one in the same- both being human, but girls ARE different, guys ARE different when relationships are concerned. Maybe my views will change if one day I'll meet a girl that wants to play football for a few hours, then relax with a pint of beer while watching a porno movie and discussing last night's WrestleMania results!
(For the record, I'm not just like that, but a lot of guys I know are)

[ April 19, 2002: Message edited by: Bomu ]

[Liser Studios]

aahhh... women's lib... luckily it's finally being looked down upon (those extremes, like those women extremists who want to be called "womyn" so the word "man" isn't in it... women's lib has gone way too far).
Well... women and men are different. we're all humans, yes, but we were created differently.
generally, girls do want something. generally, guys do want something *cough*sex*cough* this doesn't apply to everyone, but it applies to the vast majority. us guys just have to figure out what these ladies want, eh.

oh, and from experience, women do like to be ignored. they like to be treated like crap, they try to see if they can change the person around. it's a "challenge."
Although I've never read the book, perhaps you should read "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" something like that. there's no such thing as women and men being the same, we're very different. Women also use "tactics" to get to men. If you didn't, then things like skirts or any of the uncomfortable but pretty clothes wouldn't have ever existed.

[razzak]

Pixie Nim when i said that women should be the last thing on your mind, i actually meant sex, my bad!!! but its true, im only posting my opinion.