[Lukias]

How to be an annoying prick
1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200% extra dark 17-inch paper 99 copies.
2. Sit in your yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it with your pen while talking to others.
5. Sing along at the opera.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant material in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
10. Say "Gesundteit" to people who don't sneeze. When they question you tell them that you foresaw a sneeze coming.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
20. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. don t use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind it's gone now."
25. As much as possible skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture announce "No wait, I messed it up" and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. While people are talking to you, make a big display of looking up their nose.
30. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble the answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
33. Tell your friends four days prior that you can't go to their party because you're not in the mood.
34. Send this list to everyone in your email address book even if they sent it to you or ask you not to send things like this.

[Nex]

GREAT ONE!

*MAKES SOME MODEM NOISES*

[DeathbyDuplicity]

I've always liked walking down the street at 2am dressed in black and walking right up beside someone and not saying anything, just to watch thier reactions. Or coming up to a complete stranger and blaming them for something like picking up your change or pointing at someone a standing there with a pondering look without saying a word. My favorite though...I like to run yelling at bums making a scene, screaming gimme some fucking change! I know you've got some fucking change! You've been sitting here for 10yrs begging for change! God dammit gimme some change! And when everyone starts paying attention, I say here friend a present from me! A whole crowd of fuckers to beg from, and pat the bum on the back and say good luck, and walk off!

Dunno maybe I just retarded! hehehhe!

[This message has been edited by DeathbyDuplicity (edited July 13, 2000).]

[psi burn]

for some fun i love going in the mall and walk in front of someone and then just fall and make it look painful. you'd be surprised how people will just walk by you and not want to pay attention. no one cares about people these days, but its fun cause you know they get pissed.

or i have this uncanny ability to crack my ankle without moving it at all. all i do is apply pressure to it using some bone in there and it cracks. no movement at all. so i like to sit in a quiet classroom and start dooing it. if i rest my foot against something, the cracking amplifies. people look around not knowing what the hell it is, its funny as hell.

lukias, heh, the modem thing is a great trick. if youve ever watched seinfeld, you'd see the episode where kramer requests computerized resturaunt menu's from dozens of resturaunts, and they all go to elaine's phone number. she ends up having like 130 messages on her answering machine all with that horrible dial-up modem sound. its so funny, so i did it to this person i dispise who's been pranking my house. i did it about 37 times with my sisters crappy dialup computer. lotsa laughs.

:]

[Lukias]

Seinfeld....funny.
Ordering pizza to people houses that you dispise is always a good laugh.
We once dialed a random number and pretended to be a local radio station telling the dude that he'd won $500, shit man the guy was over the moon. Though later we felt bad and rang the guy back apologising.
Only young once aye.

[Jabberwocky]

THIS IS HOW YOU BECOME A PRICK:

ACT LIKE MY X BOYFRIEND!
everytime you're ask a question say "I DON"T KNOW"
trust me this is so damn annoying.

Okay sorry peeps I'm still pist off at my X, but I guess it's the second lvl of recovery... I already cried my ass off and got plastered almost every night for the last week...

------------------
3...2...1
1...2...3
What the Hell is bothering me?

[Lukias]

Things you'd never know about the movies

During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
Most dogs are immortal.
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition -even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. Even a bad German accent will do.
If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe.
Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.
Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.
Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK Stadium.
Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of our visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.
Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization (especially a Macintosh snicker, snicker!!)).
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
No-one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds -unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child.
Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.

nice......

[Transcendence]

a little after the beavis and butthead era, a friend and i kept leaving messages of a toilet flushing on an evil person's answering machine. Filling the tape completely [or maxing out the messages]