[daeldren]

Has anyone ever felt like they werent in control of their life? I mean Ive got to admit im feeling pretty damn down lately, I dont know why either but when I think about things in perspective I cant even remember the last time I was ever really happy. It effects not only my mood and my life but also effects my creativity as well, I cant even think of anything anymore because Im so meloncholy all the time. All my friends always wonder why I bitch so much and why Im always depressed and I cant even begin to tell them why. Maybe its girls, you know I havent even had a decent relationship ever, Im a sophmore in college and Ive never even met a girl that had the faintest interest in me. Maybe its because Ive been stuck in this same little shithole town in the middle of america for the past 5 years, number one Im not even american, secondly there are no jobs here at all you have to have contacts just to get a job at the local mcdonalds and it also doesnt help when your intellect doubles that of the towns population. I cant even rely on my friends anymore, half of them are too busy with their girlfriends to even bother with me. Well anyways I needed to get some of this stuff off of my chest before it really chewed me up inside and I couldnt think of anywhere to post it.

[soogarrush]

werd. i want to get out of this shithole town too...but ill be stuck here for another 2 years of college. Been here my whole focking life...life hasnt been fun lately..

[paranoid?]

yes well....its all about setting yourself a goal n_n
you need to get involve in something
I don't really see how you can say no girl ever had any interest for you....they tend to be secretive and will only "show anything" if they know or just notice any mutual interest.
anyway, you can't make everyone love and you can't have everything you want....gotta make sacrifices and choose your priorities n_n

somethings may take time but somethings are worth waiting for

well we all have bugs in our heads were only human O_o�


actualy I'm a messed up individual myself but I feel good about myself and enjoy life for its irony n_n;

I wouldn't know where to begin hehe >_<;
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I touch myself only where it counts

[Nilwort]

yeah, welcome to the club...The thing I've noticed with depression or just the general "dissatisfaction" with life has a lot to do with the patterns you as a person follow. You're unhappy because you don't have a girlfriend, or you don't feel your capable of living life the way you want to. Yet there is a voice in your head screaming at you to reproduce and to do things that you just can't do, don't want to do, or are just not ready to do. Yet you still keep beating yourself up for not being this way. What is it? Are you going to allow this reoccuring pattern of thought to make you feel shitty everytime you see attractive people on TV or your friends hanging out with eachother? I know how it is, but being aware of some of the ways you think can be helpfull despite how seemingly hard it will be to change.

I think it has a lot to do with past events in your life that affect how you are today. I had a pretty screwed up adolescence coupled with a nasty divorce and a father who is a bastard. All these past events leave you feeling like your life isn't in your hands and that everything that affects you is out of your controll. Sometimes I can just be sitting alone somewhere and it's like I feel ashamed or guilty for existing and just this general "aura" of danger surrounding me. Some people just get lucky with life and are born to parents who are able to meet their children's needs and some people aren't so lucky and get some excess shit that they have to work with, once you get through it though you'll be a stronger person.

Sorry to vent a bit, it just feels good to talk about it sometimes...just hang in there, keep some sort of faith in the future that things will get better. It's an easy thing to say, and not so much an easy thing to do, but it helps.

[AndyT]

[Snorkles]

I am you. Except i don't have any freinds. They all vanished from my life.
I know advice don't help. I've gotten so much 'good' advice. None hepled the least bit. I have to fake happiness to be happy. Using automatical and manual blocking of the bad thoughts in my head. People have liked me, but no one likes me now. It feels like I have discovered all there is in "life", all the patterns I and others follow. I don't know you and I don't have any advice for you. Good luck!

[Akolyte]

Screw people. Keep drawing.
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-jm

[Size]

You cant always get what u want, but if u try sometimes well u just might find u get what u need, U get what NEED.

if if that isnt good enough for

Oh i left my little shitty town, found a big city to be a cold and lonely place.....well for about 5 minutes then its just f**kin great! Mwuahahahahahaha!

Well enough about me, good luck man.
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-Size-

[oDD]

i know how you feel ...

... youre thinking about life. Yore not depressed beacuse life sucks youre depressed because life is great and you don't get anything from that greatness. You look at your self and all the good things about you are nothing compared to shit you don't like about yourself. You think about your past. All the good things are so distant but bad memories are still fresh and with every minute there are more of them. You think about all the chances that you wasted, and what would you do to turn back the time, but you know it's impossible. And than you find yourself very sad again instead of doing somithing that would make you happy. And that makes you depressed even more. You think for how long have it been like this? for a month ? 3 months ? year ? 3 years ? even primary school was one big sad experience? So maybe you were born with no luck ? Maybe your destiny is to be sad. Maybe there is something wrong with you, some part of you makes that all your decisions lead you to the situations that makes you sad...

... so youre sad, you want so hard to change something in youre life, you don't want your life to look like this till your death. You don't want to wait for something to happend, you want take your life in your hands and change it. But than you remember that the last time you thought the same thing and since then you didn't change anything, maybe you even done something but it didn't make you happy, yore sad even more because youre starting to bulive it will never change. You don't know where even to start changing and what ? probably most things... you don't want to live in youre home town, you want to go somewhere else. You want to meet people that would care about you and you would care about them. You telling to yourself "Maybe its girls". But deep in youre head youre almost sure that If you only had a girl things would be completle diffrent. You think that all the other pople don't care about you or - even worse - don't like you. You depression pisses of your friends so they don't like to be with you...

and so on and so on, days pass and all the time its the same...





i got to say few things:

- no matter how you feel bad or good, painting/drawing (or whatever you like to do) is fuckin great !!! In my case art makes me feel that i'm worth something. Instead of sitting in front of tv and wasting time i spend as much time as i can doing something creative. Sometimes even you can say to your self "wow i like what i did" when you did a good pic or something.

- you know that you look ugly and no girl ever wanted you, but from time to time look at your life from other perspective. Try to interprete all events in the best way possible. So maybe few of your friends really care about you and would do eveything to help you. maybe few people althou they spended with you only few minutes find you intresting ? So maybe that girl you were talking to last week liked you ?

- remember that no matter how hard things seem to be. It's possible that only a small change will reasult in complete change of your life.

- if other people don't act like you, saying that they are unhappy it doesn't mean that they are happy. Youre not hidding youre feelings cause you want a change and thats a first good step.

- don't blame other people for youre situation, even if someone is in some part responsible for your state there is alway something that you can do, so don't relay on others too much. Instead of thinking what you can do, do something goddamnit, try try try, and than try...

sorry i just felt i need to write something
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